I have many different books on my
nightstand at any given time. Recently, I just finished the book Present over
Perfect: Leaving behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by
Shauna Niequist. This was the kind of book that brought tears, smiles and all
around comfort. I felt understood when I read her short essays on her life
experience of moving from an on-the-go life to a simpler, grateful way of
living. I feel like I needed this particular book now more than ever as I search
for peace while making some difficult life decisions. The timeliness of me
finding this book is amazing given my feelings lately. It has inspired this
post and made me think about the way simplicity and gratitude relate to
leadership.
In the past when I would picture
what a leader would look like I would see someone in a suit working in an
office setting while preparing to lead big meetings and essentially being a
boss. I don’t know why or when this image imprinted itself in my brain, but
I’ve had a very strict vision of what a leader literally looks like. For the
longest time, leadership for me was computed as follows:
Suits + $$$ + meetings + long hours + little
rest/sleep + coffee = Leadership.
As I discussed in my last post,
these things are often associated with how success is defined by society and
clearly how I’ve also defined it. If I’m always producing, making good money,
and working more than resting, then I am a leader and an important one at that.
Yet, I’m learning that this lifestyle is not for me. It’s not what I want…and
it’s not what brings me joy. Joy is
so hard to find in everyday life for many people, including myself. But why? Because I think we are
completely obsessed…yes obsessed with work and being busy leading to a completely
and utterly exhausting way of living. I don’t know about you, but I don’t
desire that. I work hard, but I want to play harder. And while some of you might
consider that to be low work ethic, I consider it living. Yes, I want to have a career and do something with myself,
but I don’t want that to be the only part of my life. I don’t want to go down a
path of life where my goal is only to work harder and beat myself down to pure
exhaustion and unhappiness. Yet so many people find this completely acceptable.
But I do not. And that is okay for me.
When I am setting myself up for
my own success I need to make sure it aligns with the vision I have for me and
my future family. It could be working part time and running a house hold,
staying at home, or working full-time while raising children. I’m not sure what
that will look like yet or what my family’s needs will be, but here’s what I do
know: I do not want to live such a frantic life that I have no time to live. I want to go places, see things. I
want to meet people, spend time with my husband, and my family. I can’t do that
if all I do is obsess about work and making money. I just don’t think it’s
worth it.
These feelings I have are also shaped by what I’m watching my husband
go through. He has dedicated his life to becoming an orthopedic surgeon. Talk
about long hours and demanding work…I often ask myself how he does it. I
believe he enjoys his work and deeply desires to be a great surgeon, but his
lifestyle does not come without struggles. He works like no other but also
takes care of himself like no other. I’ve known my husband since early college
and I’ve enjoyed growing with him and watching him develop his life over time.
At his core, he’s still the same, but at the same time he seems very different
now. This man works 80-100 hours each week and still works out, meditates, eats
healthy smoothies daily, and has cut out everything that does not help him lead
a healthy life. As he would say, he’s “trimming the fat” out of his life, both
physically and mentally J. He’s pretty awesome and someone I admire
greatly. While he works hard to engage in self-care, he has to make many
sacrifices. As I’m typing this, I’m in the car with his family headed for a
weekend of family functions without him. My heart is hurting because I miss him
and I know his family misses him too. This is not the first nor the last family
function he has to miss. Could you imagine what it would be like if I also
pursued that lifestyle? For some people, they make it work and they are happy,
but it’s not for me.
Recently I was talking about this
with my husband and I found comfort in his response to my struggles of thinking
that I’m not working hard enough or if I don’t make a certain amount of money
that I’m not pulling my weight. He responded so empathically and delicately
while hugging me. He said, “babe, you and I are not in competition. It does not
matter what you choose to do so long as you’re happy and making a difference.
You can do things I cannot do and I can do things you cannot do. When you put
us together we make an awesome team.” I needed to hear this from him. I needed
the validation that it’s okay to change course and do something different,
because my happiness IS important, and no matter what comes our way, we will
figure it out as husband and wife, as a team. I knew I married this man for a
reason.
I do not have to live a frantic life if it’s
draining me more than filling me up. I do not have to prove anything to anyone
and it does not matter what anyone else thinks what I should be doing with my
life. Caring what others think does not work for me. Living simply and happily
is OK. It’s success, if it’s success for you. Being a leader is knowing what
works for you. You can be a leader as a stay-at-home parent because raising
little people is important and requires strong leadership. You can be a boss with
the big office and large bank account, or work as a barista…you name it. The
cool thing is, you can be a leader ANYWHERE and the world needs leaders
everywhere.
I’ll leave you with some quotes
that I had to write down because of how inspiring and relevant they are to what
I’m going through. I found these in a couple of books I’m reading and I hope
they speak to your heart too.
“Whatever I build from here on
out, whatever I make, whatever I write, whatever I create, I want the fuel that
propels it to be love- not competition, not fear, not proving”. –Shauna
Neiquist
“I
may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I
needed to be.” -Douglas Adams
I will let love fuel me to a more
peaceful way of living, because that’s where I need to be.
With
love, Keena
