I have an important self-disclosure to make…I am a BOOK WORM! Yep, I said it. J I love books. My love for books started long ago. The book fairs in elementary school were my absolute favorite. I received several reading awards throughout my primary school years and always exceeded my AR (accelerated reading) goals. I remember when my mom would take me to the local library where I would read books for prizes during a summer reading program; that was the best. I actually read about 98% of assigned reading in undergrad and graduate school. I’ve always liked to read, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found more comfort in the calming silence of reading a good book while drinking my favorite tea and letting my mind bask in imagination. I become bored of T.V. quickly, but I could read forever. With that said, I derive a lot of inspiration from the words of others.

I have many different books on my nightstand at any given time. Recently, I just finished the book Present over Perfect: Leaving behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist. This was the kind of book that brought tears, smiles and all around comfort. I felt understood when I read her short essays on her life experience of moving from an on-the-go life to a simpler, grateful way of living. I feel like I needed this particular book now more than ever as I search for peace while making some difficult life decisions. The timeliness of me finding this book is amazing given my feelings lately. It has inspired this post and made me think about the way simplicity and gratitude relate to leadership.

In the past when I would picture what a leader would look like I would see someone in a suit working in an office setting while preparing to lead big meetings and essentially being a boss. I don’t know why or when this image imprinted itself in my brain, but I’ve had a very strict vision of what a leader literally looks like. For the longest time, leadership for me was computed as follows:

Suits + $$$ + meetings + long hours + little rest/sleep + coffee = Leadership.

As I discussed in my last post, these things are often associated with how success is defined by society and clearly how I’ve also defined it. If I’m always producing, making good money, and working more than resting, then I am a leader and an important one at that. Yet, I’m learning that this lifestyle is not for me. It’s not what I want…and it’s not what brings me joy. Joy is so hard to find in everyday life for many people, including myself. But why? Because I think we are completely obsessed…yes obsessed with work and being busy leading to a completely and utterly exhausting way of living. I don’t know about you, but I don’t desire that. I work hard, but I want to play harder. And while some of you might consider that to be low work ethic, I consider it living. Yes, I want to have a career and do something with myself, but I don’t want that to be the only part of my life. I don’t want to go down a path of life where my goal is only to work harder and beat myself down to pure exhaustion and unhappiness. Yet so many people find this completely acceptable. But I do not. And that is okay for me.

When I am setting myself up for my own success I need to make sure it aligns with the vision I have for me and my future family. It could be working part time and running a house hold, staying at home, or working full-time while raising children. I’m not sure what that will look like yet or what my family’s needs will be, but here’s what I do know: I do not want to live such a frantic life that I have no time to live. I want to go places, see things. I want to meet people, spend time with my husband, and my family. I can’t do that if all I do is obsess about work and making money. I just don’t think it’s worth it.

These feelings I have are also shaped by what I’m watching my husband go through. He has dedicated his life to becoming an orthopedic surgeon. Talk about long hours and demanding work…I often ask myself how he does it. I believe he enjoys his work and deeply desires to be a great surgeon, but his lifestyle does not come without struggles. He works like no other but also takes care of himself like no other. I’ve known my husband since early college and I’ve enjoyed growing with him and watching him develop his life over time. At his core, he’s still the same, but at the same time he seems very different now. This man works 80-100 hours each week and still works out, meditates, eats healthy smoothies daily, and has cut out everything that does not help him lead a healthy life. As he would say, he’s “trimming the fat” out of his life, both physically and mentally J. He’s pretty awesome and someone I admire greatly. While he works hard to engage in self-care, he has to make many sacrifices. As I’m typing this, I’m in the car with his family headed for a weekend of family functions without him. My heart is hurting because I miss him and I know his family misses him too. This is not the first nor the last family function he has to miss. Could you imagine what it would be like if I also pursued that lifestyle? For some people, they make it work and they are happy, but it’s not for me.

Recently I was talking about this with my husband and I found comfort in his response to my struggles of thinking that I’m not working hard enough or if I don’t make a certain amount of money that I’m not pulling my weight. He responded so empathically and delicately while hugging me. He said, “babe, you and I are not in competition. It does not matter what you choose to do so long as you’re happy and making a difference. You can do things I cannot do and I can do things you cannot do. When you put us together we make an awesome team.” I needed to hear this from him. I needed the validation that it’s okay to change course and do something different, because my happiness IS important, and no matter what comes our way, we will figure it out as husband and wife, as a team. I knew I married this man for a reason.

 I do not have to live a frantic life if it’s draining me more than filling me up. I do not have to prove anything to anyone and it does not matter what anyone else thinks what I should be doing with my life. Caring what others think does not work for me. Living simply and happily is OK. It’s success, if it’s success for you. Being a leader is knowing what works for you. You can be a leader as a stay-at-home parent because raising little people is important and requires strong leadership. You can be a boss with the big office and large bank account, or work as a barista…you name it. The cool thing is, you can be a leader ANYWHERE and the world needs leaders everywhere.

I’ll leave you with some quotes that I had to write down because of how inspiring and relevant they are to what I’m going through. I found these in a couple of books I’m reading and I hope they speak to your heart too.

“Whatever I build from here on out, whatever I make, whatever I write, whatever I create, I want the fuel that propels it to be love- not competition, not fear, not proving”. –Shauna Neiquist

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” -Douglas Adams

 I will let love fuel me to a more peaceful way of living, because that’s where I need to be.

With love,
Keena