Today was my first day back in the office, and instead of feeling refreshed after returning from a vacation, I felt off…and had no idea as to why. As I sat in my office chair, I felt in my heart that it was time to leave my job. I know that I’ve been talking about finding my next step in terms of my career, but I wasn’t sure when I was going to take that leap. Today was different because my heart was literally speaking to me clear as day. I heard “Keena, it’s time to move on, and everything will be okay”. I kid you not. I sent a text to my life advisor (aka my older sister) and told her what I was feeling and she said “I think that’s something you should pray about today and listen to what you hear”. I then sent a text to my husband and said “I’m ready to make a change now”, and he replied “let’s do this”. I sat on these thoughts all day and then later before I was about to leave, my boss asked me to come to his office. So I did.
I had no idea what we were going to discuss, but when your boss starts off the conversation with “this won’t be a fun conversation we are going to have” pretty much indicates that something less than desirable is about to happen. He explained that my contract was going to be cut as of December 31st and that he appreciated my work, but the state was moving in a different direction. Ouch…I did not see that one coming…at least not this soon, so I was truly surprised. For the record, I’ve been hearing the response “we are moving in a different direction” a lot lately, and I’m beginning to understand what this means for my life. I think I’m being told that I need to move MY life in a different direction. I’m learning that it’s not about what everyone else is doing…it’s about what I need to do…for me…for my family. I’ve been hearing it for a while, but my path hasn’t been that clear yet…so I waited. I have cried, worried, and prayed so much. I’ve been soul searching for a long time and I have questioned every decision that I have made. But today…I felt I had clarity for the first time in a long time. Most importantly, this clarity washed me in peace.
You might be asking yourself why I’m feeling peace when I’ve just learned that I’m losing my job and am about to lose half of my household income. Okay yes, things will get a bit tighter and I don’t have a plan yet. I don’t have a job lined up and I don’t know exactly what I want to do. But here’s what I do have…I have a supportive and loving husband who will stand by me through this change. Remember he said “let’s do this” not “you can do this”, so I know my partner stands with me. I have a warm bed to sleep in and food to eat. We have the financial reserves to sustain us through this difficult time because we had the sense to save and prepare. My sister loaned me books a while ago to read about the importance of financial peace. While I read, I also consulted with several people on how to handle money. I sought advice and mentorship when things got difficult at work. I worked on my resume and had the opportunity to get more interview experience. I have the support of a loving family who listened to me and encouraged me to hang in there even when I didn’t want to keep going.
During this time, I wanted things…I wanted a new car, but chose to save instead and to hold out because this was a want and not an immediate need. I chose to push through my pain because I had faith that I would get an answer and that things would all work out. And you know what? Things are working out. While losing my job hurts and is painful, I can say with certainty that I am so grateful and truly blessed. The work that I have been doing and the hard moments I’ve endured have prepared me to handle this. And not just handle it, but excel through it.
It’s not a coincidence that all of this happened. This was carefully planned…and not by me. For those of you who know me, I’m not a religious person and I do not subscribe to any single faith. But make no mistake, I do believe that there is something greater than I, and I believe in love and goodness and faith. And today…faith carried me through. Love powered me and held me, and gratitude saved me. I look up and I’m thankful, not just for today, but for every day. I’m thankful that each morning I wake up to a new day to face. I’m grateful for the days I pushed myself through and for the days I was carried when I couldn’t push any more. I’m grateful for the love of friends and family who also held me when I needed it most. I can’t thank everyone enough for their unconditional love.
There is nothing more true when people tell you some of your greatest blessings come in ways you least expect. Not getting exactly what you want when you want, leads to greater things…
But only if you listen.
I know I’m listening…with my heart wide open.
With love,
Keena 
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