My goal is to create a weekly blog post, and in true therapist fashion I’m going to write about what’s pressing on my mind in the moment. Focusing on the here and now is a great skill I try to use and have used with others in therapy, so I’m going to practice here. So with that said, let’s begin.

Lately I’ve been asking myself the question, “what is the best way to learn?”  How do you master a certain skill set? For me (and probably most people), it’s through doing. You can’t really learn something until you’re forced to do it yourself. One of my high school math teachers used to say “if you can’t explain it, you don’t really know it”. I always keep this tucked away in the back of my mind. If I’m struggling to explain it, chances are I have more to learn.

Another great way to learn is through watching others who have the skills that you aspire to have.  I would say that this is very crucial to learning. Every day I listen, watch and act as a sponge. I take notes on how people say things so that I can practice saying it myself. Yep, I even practice saying it out loud before I have to talk to others. I still fumble through my work and I’m always tweaking how I explain things, but I improve through watching those who have mastered it.

While this is a great strategy for learning, there is a potential downfall to this method. There is the possibility that you might lose yourself…you might forget who you are. You might try to be something you’re not by trying too hard to become like the people you admire. You know how I know this? Because I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I have lost myself and have tricked myself into believing that “Keena’s way is the WRONG way”. That if I don’t sound like or perform like everyone around me, then something is wrong with me. And my biggest self-defeating thought of all is, “I’m just not as smart as them”. Just so you know, that was painful for me to type because this is an ugly battle I struggle with regularly…and I feel vulnerable sharing that.

The point is, you must strive to be genuine, and that can be hard when you’re a newbie. Here’s a list of questions that I came up with to ask myself to keep this in check:

       1.       Does it sound like me?
       2.       Is what I’m saying align with what I believe?
       3.       Does it feel right? Does it feel natural?
       4.       Where do I feel uncomfortable and why? (These are likely the places you need to improve).

It can be incredibly useful to have others around you to observe and learn from, but don’t forget the ways you already shine. Be YOU and avoid twisting yourself into the image of what you think you should look like. Because the outcome? Well, let’s just say, it’s not a happy place, and if you’re like me you know from experience.

The beautiful reality is, is that we have the opportunity to embrace our creative selves. I always used to say “I’m not a creative person”. And this friends, is a big fat lie. I am creative and so are you. So let’s tap into that and let it drive our work while we look to others for guidance and helpful tips.

Staying true to you, is the best gift you can give yourself. Be kind to yourself, and most importantly love yourself through it all.

After trying desperately to fall asleep the other night, I decided at exactly 12:16 am that I would start a blog. I got up, grabbed my computer and began this first entry. For those of you who know me well, you will understand that it’s unusual for me to be awake and conscious at this hour because bed time happens routinely for me around 9 or 9:30…even on the weekends. (Yes, the age 26 is that exciting.) If I don’t follow my regular scheduled programming, I am not a pleasant person. However, my brain is wrestling with some pretty big thoughts and I just felt that I had to get these down in writing…mostly for own self-care but also with the hope of reaching others.  

The thoughts that are keeping me up are not new. They are with me every day and everywhere I go. I want to talk about them because I think others can easily relate and I know I need to talk. But first, let me give some background on me…

My name is Keena Wilson and I am a 26 year old recent graduate entering into the professional world for the first time. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor with a focus on clinical mental health. Currently, I work as a consultant within a state government setting helping to reform the world of children’s mental health. It’s truly incredible work…but this experience is what I find often keeping me up at night. Not just around the issues surrounding the field of mental health (although there are tons of issues  that keep me grumbling) but it’s more about the thought I have too many times of “what the heck am I doing here? I can’t possibly be cut out for this work.” This is my first big girl job, and it is not an easy one. Being a young professional is challenging. Every day I am learning and trying to keep up with the big dogs who have decades more experience than I. I am slowly learning to deal with the stressors of not knowing everything that I think I should.

I’m not someone who looks for sympathy when life gets hard, but I do think it’s important to talk about the trials we face, so…I am sharing my story. I am sharing my story and my on-going experience of learning to embrace my journey. I also hope to inspire others who too often feel consumed by self-doubt and fear which can hold us back. I know it holds me back. I want to start a conversation about developing a professional career by shedding some light into the real challenges of aspiring to be a leader. I LOVE reading and consuming the stories of great leaders today and how they got to where they are at now. I can’t finish one book fast enough before I’m on to the next, or finish a single episode of a podcast before my interest is piqued by the title of another. I’m hungry (maybe hangry) for knowledge, wisdom, and success. But it’s not something you just receive wrapped with a bow. It’s a process. And the process is a struggle. And the struggle is real.

During my graduate training my professors would always say “trust the process”. Silently, I thought “screw the process”. Every time I heard them say that I wanted to crush something because I truly thought they said it only to cause pain. And now, I’m beginning to realize that is not true (I certainly hope not because these people were counselors after all). What I’m opening my eyes to is that this life is an adventure, and at every step of the way we will experience new challenges and we will be forced to adapt in some way. I get this, but man oh man, do I ever struggle with accepting it. I want to be great NOW. I want to be an expert at this moment and I want to get there fast. When I think like this, I’m missing the essence of the gifts given to me that I’m CHOOSING not to acknowledge. I’m being given the opportunity to wrestle with and figure out who I am and where I can have an impact on this world. I don’t appreciate what I have to offer and what I already bring to the table. I need to acknowledge that right now, my gifts are motivation, drive, and passion. These are all important qualities when entering into a professional career. The rest of what I am striving for will surely follow, but first, I need to live it out. I need to live out the discomfort that comes with mistakes and failures. Living it out is the ONLY path to success because it is the best tool for learning. I need to allow myself to stumble and fall and then stand back up and push forward. I need to LIVE IT OUT! Not living it out leads to stagnation. You know that saying, "no pain, no gain".

I want to bring my struggles here and start a conversation about fear and self-doubt while becoming a young leader. I also hope to provide some tools that I’m learning to incorporate into my life that others may also find useful. My goal is not to make it big in the blogging arena. Quite frankly, I’m not sure if this will even be of interest (ugh I sense some self-doubt as I write that!). But I’m willing to try, to put myself out there because really, I want to challenge myself to manage my fears and push to deal with them head on. I hope others want to share this process with me because I don’t believe that anyone gets anywhere alone. It’s simply not possible because we are not designed to exist in isolation.

So won’t you join me? Maybe we can figure this out together.