My goal is to create a weekly blog post, and in true therapist fashion I’m going to write about what’s pressing on my mind in the moment. Focusing on the here and now is a great skill I try to use and have used with others in therapy, so I’m going to practice here. So with that said, let’s begin.

Lately I’ve been asking myself the question, “what is the best way to learn?”  How do you master a certain skill set? For me (and probably most people), it’s through doing. You can’t really learn something until you’re forced to do it yourself. One of my high school math teachers used to say “if you can’t explain it, you don’t really know it”. I always keep this tucked away in the back of my mind. If I’m struggling to explain it, chances are I have more to learn.

Another great way to learn is through watching others who have the skills that you aspire to have.  I would say that this is very crucial to learning. Every day I listen, watch and act as a sponge. I take notes on how people say things so that I can practice saying it myself. Yep, I even practice saying it out loud before I have to talk to others. I still fumble through my work and I’m always tweaking how I explain things, but I improve through watching those who have mastered it.

While this is a great strategy for learning, there is a potential downfall to this method. There is the possibility that you might lose yourself…you might forget who you are. You might try to be something you’re not by trying too hard to become like the people you admire. You know how I know this? Because I’ve been there. I’ve done it. I have lost myself and have tricked myself into believing that “Keena’s way is the WRONG way”. That if I don’t sound like or perform like everyone around me, then something is wrong with me. And my biggest self-defeating thought of all is, “I’m just not as smart as them”. Just so you know, that was painful for me to type because this is an ugly battle I struggle with regularly…and I feel vulnerable sharing that.

The point is, you must strive to be genuine, and that can be hard when you’re a newbie. Here’s a list of questions that I came up with to ask myself to keep this in check:

       1.       Does it sound like me?
       2.       Is what I’m saying align with what I believe?
       3.       Does it feel right? Does it feel natural?
       4.       Where do I feel uncomfortable and why? (These are likely the places you need to improve).

It can be incredibly useful to have others around you to observe and learn from, but don’t forget the ways you already shine. Be YOU and avoid twisting yourself into the image of what you think you should look like. Because the outcome? Well, let’s just say, it’s not a happy place, and if you’re like me you know from experience.

The beautiful reality is, is that we have the opportunity to embrace our creative selves. I always used to say “I’m not a creative person”. And this friends, is a big fat lie. I am creative and so are you. So let’s tap into that and let it drive our work while we look to others for guidance and helpful tips.

Staying true to you, is the best gift you can give yourself. Be kind to yourself, and most importantly love yourself through it all.