Happy Friday everyone! Today’s a vacation day for me so I’m starting the 3-day weekend by jumping into my next blog. Happy reading!

<3 <3 <3<3

This week has been a very emotional and mentally exhausting week for me. If you read my blog from last week (which I know you did because this is your favorite blog, right? J) you will remember that I have been focused on what my future will look like and what that means for me. To fully disclose, I have been going back and forth on a decision to make a move to a new job. Anyone who has toggled with the idea of changing jobs or making a career change will understand how difficult of a decision this can be for a wide variety of reasons. The struggles range from financial concerns, new schedules and just adjusting to a new work environment. But sometimes there’s something else that makes it hard to move on and spread your wings. It starts with the letter S and is followed by 4 other letters. Can you guess what it is?? That’s right friends, it is:

SHAME.

I am feeling very ashamed. Why you ask? Well I’m not sure I know. All I know is, I’m feelin’ it, and it’s an icky feeling; one that is hard to shake. I want to spend some time unpacking that right here with you in total therapist style because let’s face it, it is what I do.

I, like everyone else, buys into the same idea of how society defines success. The idea of success is measured by the size of the deposit made into your bank account on pay day. It’s glorified by what you have versus what you contribute. Success is when people listen to you instead of you being the listener. Success equals the long hours you spend in the office (probably being too tired to really get anything done) than by what you did accomplish during the day. Success is working harder even though you’re completely stressed and burned out and hanging by a thread. Success is not showing emotion because it is a weakness. Do people really think down on you when you show emotions in the work place? Oh heck yes they do. I have cried in front of my boss more times than I care to admit, but that’s how my body handles stress and I’m working on being okay with that.

I am feeling shame because I’m burdened with this image of success as I transition to something new.  Will my bank account take a hit? yes, probably. Will some view me as a quitter? yeah, maybe some will. But I’ve been robbing myself of true happiness, and the only one who has to live my life is ME; and I want happy, so I need to let some of this go (cue the “Let it Go” song from Frozen). 

I need to make this change to protect my happiness. So I will take the pay cut. I will keep letting my tears flow when they are forcing their way out because sharing vulnerability IS leadership. I will be the listener. I will put in the hours, but I will make time for me and my family. I will value what I contribute over the things I have because I’m choosing happiness. I’m choosing me.

Deciding to take a moment to figure out your next step is simply knowing who you are. In my opinion, that makes for a great leader. If you are in tune with your strengths, weaknesses and your passion, you will achieve great things and you can guide others to do the same. WE are society and that means it is directly in our power to re-shape what success means. It should look different for every person and that is really beautiful!

So if you’re up for it, ponder this question: what does your success look like?

With love,

Keena

P.s. If you want to dig in and learn some more about shame, I highly recommend all the books written by Brené Brown. She dedicates her work to researching shame. Her work has been a blessing to me so look it up!