Hello Monday...and Anxiety

Happy Monday folks! I can tell it’s a Monday based on all of the mishaps of the day. Today’s mishaps include: the dog ripping out the garbage can all over the floor (for the hundredth time), my hubby addressing a card to the wrong person forcing me to tell said hubby (a very tired one at that) what he did and seeing his face drop in defeat, and having the realization that I had not meal prepped or grocery shopped and had nothing in the fridge to feed my family for the week. I have sticky notes on my phone and all over my desk at work with endless to-dos. I spent my lunch break on the phone with insurance and my doctor’s office while scarfing down leftover pizza that ultimately resulted in awful heartburn that I payed for for the rest of the work day. And while this was going on, I could feel my anxiety rising bit by bit. I feel anxiety very strongly in my body. My senses become overwhelmed and my throat tightens as if I have a sore throat coming on. For those who have never struggled with anxiety, it is a physical and emotional feeling. It can be too much. If you don’t take a step back, it can run you over. I’ve let it run me over, but not today.

I have always had anxiety throughout my life and have learned more about how I experience it over the years. When I was in college, I noticed that I would literally break out in hives every time I was nervous. Every single time. I wore scarves and shirts that completely covered my chest to hide it. I went to great lengths to hide my discomfort and anxiety. This continued all through graduate school and into my first job out of school. Oddly enough, this has not happened to me in a long time. Not because I haven’t had anxiety, because trust me, it comes and goes. I’m not sure why I don’t break out in hives anymore, but I feel it in other ways that I never have before. For instance, the tightening feeling in my throat is new and also uncomfortable. All of this to say-I struggle with anxiety, folks. But I am more at peace with it now than I ever have been. Like I explain to patients, the goal is not to NEVER experience anxiety. The goal is to manage it and deal with it in healthy ways when it does happen. Anxiety is not all bad. It motivates us in healthy ways, but often we experience it in really unhealthy ways. I will always have to work on how I deal with anxiety.

As I re-read my list of mishaps that I first typed out, I realize that there are way worse things going on in the world than that. But this is exactly how anxiety works! We build things up in our head and compile it to a point where it isn’t manageable. There will always be a to-do list and it will always get more intense with every new responsibility. Currently the to-do list we have to complete prior to Abel’s birth is just not feasible. The fact is, Abel won’t care one bit if his nursery is not 100% completed. It’s his momma who cares. But why? I have realized that I put way too much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly. Ugh, I hate that word. But man oh man, it’s truly something that I do struggle with. My personal work with anxiety is learning how to not let it consume me and being okay with doing my best each day. There will always be work to do, and I’m working on being okay with ending each day with peace about that. I’m always going to be pulled in a million different directions, and something has to give. Life will always be a balancing act and I’ll have to be intentional about what my focus is for each day.

I did not intend for this post to be about my struggle with anxiety, but clearly I needed to get that off of my chest! What I really wanted to write about is my upcoming work on revamping my blog! I’m currently researching a new web platform as well as re-shaping the structure and content of my blogs. I still want to write about day to day stuff as well as the big stuff going on in my life, but I also want a space where I can organize my thoughts, ideas, and creations. I plan to include different sections including: food and new recipes, health and fitness, and my recommended book list just to name a few. I feel like my ideas are all over the place and I want to streamline it so I can go back and easily find stuff. As you have probably come to know, I’m a pretty open book. I like to share because I love when others share their stories with me. I’ve also enjoyed hearing feedback from you all who follow my blog. It’s been fun writing and sharing life with you, and I’m excited to share it with you in a more organized way. Anyway, I’m not sure when my new blog will be ready, but hopefully soon! It’s on my to-do list 😊 lol!

Now it is time to rest. Good night friends!

With love,
Keena