For those who know me, you might find yourself surprised by my decision. I’ve been in the workforce non-stop since I was 15 years old. I started with serving ice cream cones at the small diner in my hometown. I then upgraded to a video store that I loved working at. It happened to have the best name ever, which was Cramm-It-N-Go Video and later changed to the name Sun, Fun and Frolic. Clearly not the best name choices, but it was a valuable work experience! I’ve always had the blessing of having steady employment, and every new job brought greater experiences (and higher pay). I worked my way up the ladder so to speak, and I can wholeheartedly say that I worked my butt off to be where I’m at. I’m also a feminist at heart. I believe in empowering and celebrating female leaders in the workforce. I think this passion of mine is one reason why I have worked so hard. Not because I felt the need to prove myself to anyone, but I needed to prove myself to me. I wanted to see what I was capable of. While this has always motivated me, I also have a deep desire to be a full-time mother to my sweet little boy.
Like I said, I’ve always had jobs-good jobs at that. When I graduated from graduate school, I had a wonderful opportunity working as a contractor for the State. I helped design mental health programs, provided support to community partners, and assisted families directly when needed. I dabbled in web design to provide the community with new and improved tools for clinical purposes. I met with State and National leaders in mental health. I led meetings with some of the most influential policy makers in the State of Illinois. When I took that job, my boss told me that he’d make sure I’d earn my keep. He held true to his word, and I worked hard to earn that money. Eventually, everything came to a head and I found myself incredibly unhappy. In fact, it’s fair to say that I was downright miserable. While I was getting to do cool things and learning so much and earning an admirable salary for someone fresh out of grad school, something was not adding up. My cup was running empty and I was running out of ways to fill it up.
I was working many hours and traveling quite a bit. I was not satisfied with my work environment and I took a lot of it home with me. While I was doing my thing, Craig was busy doing his. As I’ve talked about before, residency is another ball game. Our time together is limited and often times stressful because we still have to deal with life stuff that isn’t always easy. At this point in the game, I was running myself down quickly and it showed at home. For the past 11 months, I've been working in direct clinical work as a therapist. This is another demanding job that can be draining at times.
What I’ve learned about running successful organizations is that it’s all about risk management. Sometimes you have to cut spending to grow the company. Sometimes you have to move people around in positions to cover all of the job duties. This is representative of our household. We had to cut spending due to one less salary so I could stay home. I went from caring for hundreds of individuals and their families in the community to focusing on my own. It was put in my heart to make this decision, and until God tells me otherwise, this is what I’ve been preparing for all along. The skills I learned in the workforce made me tough, resilient, and responsible, all of which are requirements of running a household. I know my worth, and I know what’s important to me. I went out and studied different work environments, I learned my passions. I learned about my strengths and weaknesses, and I gained self-awareness. I learned that money isn’t everything. I’ve made good money and have been so very unhappy.
So the point is, I needed those experiences to get where I’m at today. I’ve learned to
walk away from what doesn’t fill my cup so that I can embrace what fills my
soul. I’m not giving up or backing down. I’m not compromising my career. I was
being prepped all along for the most important job of my life, which is
motherhood. To me, it’s all about perspective. If you view staying home as
depressing and unimportant then surly it will be that way. I spent the past 5
years providing care to hundreds of individuals and their families in my
community and now it’s time to turn that focus to my own. I truly believe that
creating good people begins right in your own home. I can’t change the world’s
ills, but I can certainly add the people who are going to help guide our world
to a better place by raising them with love in my home. To me, there’s no
greater opportunity or responsibility.
A previous supervisor of mine once told me that I would lose
productivity and consequently ruin my career if I had children. I’m embarrassed
to say this, but for a hot second, I thought this person might be right. I let
this person cloud much of what I knew and believed to be true for the sake of
“being successful”. Thankfully, I’ve learned to follow my heart and do what I
believe is the right thing to do. In the end, paid work will always be there. I
have no doubt that when and if I decide to return to my career that there will
be something great waiting for me. I will focus on that life change when that time comes. As always, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes by my home girl Brene Brown. In her new book titled, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone, she writes, “True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are”. This reminder drives me to do what’s in my heart. And right now, that’s being a mother. I can’t wait for our adventure with little Abel. We are excited for you my love!
With love,
Keena 
Well spoken
ReplyDeleteIn May I was blesses to become a stay at home mom. It has been a transition that was harder than I thought, but the rewards have been amazing! I absolutely love it! I miss working at times, especially while the kids are at school but I wouldn't change the amount of time and stories I get from them for anything!!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations,
Brittany Columbia