I’m on a theme here with writing about the littles in my family so I’m stickin’ with that today as well. Last time I wrote about my first-born nephew, Samuel in remembrance of his 5th birthday. Now I find myself inspired to write about my niece Mira who’s about to turn 4 in two weeks-something that I can’t wrap my mind around. I thought of her because I was in a conversation with my older sister (Mira’s momma) and we were talking about unconditional love and encouragement. Our conversations are known to get deep! I love our sisterly talks so much-what a blessing they are to me!
Today we were talking about how uncommon it is for people to practice unconditional love and encouragement. We are only truly happy with others if they are acting, doing, and speaking how we think they should. These are conditions, or expectations we have of others that get in the way of us extending our love to one another. It’s hard for us to love people just as they are…unless you’re Mira. Because that girl loves everyone and I want to share (or proudly brag) about her beautiful gifts.
Lots of children are loving, kind, and caring…there’s a
pureness to children that we all can admire. As we get older, we realize the
brokenness of the world and it becomes a fight to love as deeply as children
do. Mira has this gift like most children…but her level of love, encouragement,
and gratitude is strikingly abundant when you meet her at just 3 years young. I’ve
never been around a child that could lift your heart in the ways she can. As a
student of child development, I’ve learned that children her age are very
egocentric. In other words, children mostly care about themselves. Perspective-taking
is something they have not yet mastered. It’s natural and all children have
some level of egocentrism. Mira makes me question if she’s only 3 because her
compassion for others is undeniable.
Mira is always asking “you
okay?”. She notices when others get hurt and is quick to kiss any owies and
then asks “you better?”. She wants to
know that you’re okay. If I could bottle up her sweet voice and play it on the
hard days, I would. Her attentiveness to those hurting is such a gift. She’s
always coming up to me and saying “Aunt
Keena, Augie is sad. She’s so sad.” I always tell her that Augie (my beagle
pup) is happy and then Mira will perk up. I’m not sure why she’s always telling
me that my dog is sad, but maybe she senses something that I don’t. Maybe she
wants Augie to feel included too. Either way, her focus on feelings points to
her caring soul-one that isn’t self-focused. She’s watching and she wants
others around her to feel good. As adults, how often are we taking the time to
acknowledge each other’s pain? Are we seeing the hurt around us? Are we offering
words of encouragement? Are we celebrating the good times with one another?
That’s the other thing she’s so good at. She has the
beautiful gift of encouragement. Gosh she’s so good! If you want to feel good about
yourself, you need a hang-out date with this little girl. Last weekend she came
up to me and said, “Aunt Keena, you’re so
pretty” and then she hugged me. She’s always giving the biggest
compliments. One time when I had her at my house she said, “you’re the best ever Aunt Keena”.
*Cue the tears and
the BIG heart melt.*
Seriously, she knows how to make me feel so good about
myself. And the reason she can do this is because she loves herself. Mira practices what we therapists call positive
self-talk. In other words, she’s so nice to herself! The things you will hear
Mira say includes:
“I so gorgeous!”, “I so
smart”, and “wook at me, I so strong!”.
She believes all these good
things about herself. She doesn’t ask “am
I prettier than her?” or say “I’m not
smart enough”. How often do we compare ourselves to others? How often do we
put ourselves down? I’m guessing we do this a lot. And when we do this
self-shaming, we can’t begin to love others unconditionally because we have
conditions for ourselves. Self-love has to come first. It is the key that lets
us love others. It is the main ingredient of kindness. It allows us to
celebrate ourselves and others knowing that there’s enough appreciation and
love to go around for all of us. We forget that as adults. The lack of self-love
leads us to compare beauty and success. But when you can celebrate your own
gifts, you gain the freedom to celebrate others’. She thinks she’s gorgeous and
that you’re gorgeous too and that both are to be celebrated. She can see the
pure beauty in everything and everyone.
My prayer is that she always
loves herself in this way. Because her self-love is a mirror to how she feels
about those around her. As her Aunt I promise to help protect and nurture her
level of self-love as the brokenness of the world will test and threaten her
self-worth. Another girl will be mean to her and call her names and it will
shake her. My hope is that her self-love will persevere in those moments and
that she will be able to extend love to others who are less secure with
themselves. (And then she will tell Aunt Keena who will then hunt this person
down!) Just kidding…but for real.
As a therapist, I help people
piece back together their self-worth every day. There is such a lack of
self-love and let me tell ya-it’s destructive. What sweet little Mira has
taught me is this: unconditional love
starts with yourself. When you
encourage yourself, you can start to encourage those around you. You start to
forget about comparisons and expectations which allows you to simply love. Mira blesses me all the time with her overflowing love. I strive to be like her every day. Yep, I want to be more like the little girl who’s been on this earth 23 years less than I have. She’s amazing. If you’ve never met her, here’s the sweet little face I’ve been talking about.
(Photo Credit: Rachel Lynda Photography)
In light of her upcoming 4th birthday I'm sharing our first picture together. I love you sweet baby girl!
With love,
Aunt Keena
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