Living in Grace

Hello dear friends! Hope you’ve all been enjoying the beautiful weather these past few days as much as I have been! What a sweet break of respite as we wait patiently for sunshine and blooming flowers. I took advantage and spent time in the sunshine and reflected on how life has been going and what I could do to keep it simple, peaceful, and beautiful.  

As I mentioned in a recent Facebook post, I again made another important decision. I decided to resign from my position as a pediatric therapist. I know, I know…I gave it three months and then made the decision. Seems so soon, right? Yeah…well sometimes when you know…you know. There are several reasons why I’m making a switch to a different job. My decision was based on my physical, emotional, and mental status. I was not feeling fulfilled in the ways that I hoped, leading me to grow weary pretty fast.  This is not to speak negatively of my place of employment; it’s simply a personal thing that led me to question what it is I’m really looking for in my career. Sometimes you just have to give something a shot to see if it works. And it’s completely okay if it doesn’t. But did I tell myself this in the beginning when I began to question? No…I just questioned my ability.

Ability isn’t always the reason for leaving a job or choosing a different career path. It’s about asking yourself “what is my best yes?” and “where am I going to grow and flourish?”. If you are not listening to the whispers of anguish and unrest, then you will run yourself down quickly and lose sight of what is most important in your life. One of my favorite sayings from the philosopher, Socrates, is “know thyself”.  Knowing myself and my needs is an on-going journey. The hardest lesson is understanding that there’s not exactly a point of arrival. In other words, I’m not going to wake up one day and see my path crystal clear. No, this is not what will happen for anyone. Self-discovery is an on-going, life-long journey with “aha” moments, mistakes, and wrong turns. It will never make perfect sense. After all, it’s not exactly my plan to mess with. It was already designed for me with love, beauty, and grace.

But sometimes, I find myself fighting the plan set for me. I have moments when I ignore all the messages being whispered to my heart, which leaves me in a state of distress. Some are gentle whispers…others not so much. I can try to make my way work and avoid my feelings that tell me to move on, or I can listen to my heart and make decisions that will fill me up and help me be the best that I can be. The only thing I know for certain without any doubt is that I am called to serve others. I’ve known this for a very long time. I believe that we are all called to serve each other, but the ways in which we do is different for everyone. Why? Because we are all uniquely talented.

For example, I was not called to be a surgeon like my husband. Nope, not for me! But he is so good at what he does, and for that I am thankful we have people like him. I’m called to walk with people through emotional pain and help them figure out how to move forward. I’m called to listen, love, and give emotionally. I love that about myself, and I’m grateful for my gifts. The challenge before me is figuring out the right environment and pace at which I can share those gifts that leave me filling well and fulfilled and not empty.

If I’m going to thrive on this journey and share my gifts, then I really need to make a focused effort on the negative thoughts I have. I’m going to challenge myself to replace my unproductive thoughts with productive ones. Here’s some examples of the thoughts I’ve recently dealt with: “I gave up”, “I didn’t try hard enough”, “I picked the wrong field”. I’m working on replacing those with these: “I did my best”, “this was not my best yes”, “it’s okay to move around to find the right fit.” I’m working on giving myself grace. For most of us, this does not come naturally and it is a daily practice.

For some more inspiration on how to give myself grace, I picked up a book by Emily Ley titled “Grace Not Perfection”. I encourage you to pick it up if you want to learn more ways to extend yourself grace. I know I need the work! Here are some favorites already:

“What good are we when we’re overwhelmed, overbooked, and overcommitted?”

“We need care, rest, nutrients, and full hearts to be able to speak life into the people we love.”

“If you run yourself ragged caring for everyone but yourself while expecting perfection from your hands, body, and mind, you’re in for a rough collision with reality.”

 I hope you’re showing yourself grace today and always.  

With love,

Keena

Leadership in Marriage & Grief

As I’ve said before in some of my previous blogs, I do not consider myself to be a religious person. I do however, consider myself to be a very spiritual person. I have moments that bring me to my knees in prayer because I just don’t know what else to do, and I need to rely on something much greater than myself. Recently, I had one of those moments. This time, it had nothing to do with my job or work, which is usually what I spend my time writing about. This time, it was very personal, and the situation forced me to examine what leadership looks like in my home.

A week ago, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. This is the year we decided to start trying to expand our family, and we’ve been excited to become parents together. In the same week, I found out that I was likely having a miscarriage. What we’ve learned is that there is so much uncertainty and grey areas when it comes to pregnancy. I researched and read way too much on the internet, which left me feeling exhausted and with little comfort about what was happening to my body. There’s a reason why medical professionals tell you to stay off the internet. It truly does not bring any comfort…just more fears if anything. I can vouch for that. I wanted to hold on to the hope that maybe our situation would be different. I kept thinking that maybe this could still be a viable pregnancy. Waiting was the hardest part of the whole situation.

You don’t know how you’re going to respond to a pregnancy loss until it’s happening to you. I surly didn’t know how I would feel. The day after I found out I was miscarrying, I went to get my haircut because that’s always a relaxing thing for me to do. I was sitting there and I noticed that the woman next to me was showing off her sonogram pictures to her hairdresser. Oh.the.pain. I wanted to be showing off mine. But instead, I sat silently in my own pain, wishing I was carrying a baby. I have hope that one day I will, but today is not the day.

So how does this relate to leadership in the home you might ask? Well, marriage requires leadership…from both spouses. And let me tell you…it is not easy. I know my husband, and I know him well, but we have never been through something like this before and neither of us have experienced disappointment or pain in this way. I think we are learning each other’s stress responses and how we each deal with sadness. We experience sadness in completely different ways.

Even though I’m a therapist and I know people experience emotions in different ways, it doesn’t make it easy when it’s in my own home. If you know anything about love languages, then you know that everyone experiences feeling cared and loved for in different ways. We also experience grief in different ways. This is something I know. But it is something that is much harder to deal with at home. My husband is not as open with his feelings as I am. Sometimes I have to dig and pull out his emotions to see where he’s at. My emotional gauge is out in the open for all to see. I wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak. I want to talk when I’m hurting, and my husband wants space. What ends up happening is that I feel lonely and he probably feels smothered as we do this dance between our different needs. And this is where leadership comes in.

Leadership in the home is knowing when to put aside your needs and attend to your spouse’s needs. It’s knowing when to speak the truth about how you feel and calmly listen even when it hurts. It is continuing to love even though it hurts. This is something we are learning together in our young marriage. Even though it’s hard and painful, here’s what I do know:

We could not do this without the promise of our marriage.

Our marriage is not perfect. We do not do everything the right way, but our marriage means that no matter what, we are bonded in love and that is how I know we will be okay. While we are hurting right now and still working through the pain, I know that our promise to one another will carry us through. The only thing I am certain of is that we love each other deeply.

These days, marriage is no longer considered important and often viewed as “unnecessary”. No, it is not required for people to get married, and yes, I believe that unmarried couples can be happy together. But what if there’s more at stake in not being married? What if it was designed to guide us in ways that can only be understood when you commit in this way? All I can say is, my heart is protected by the faithful love I share with my husband. He is the only one who can lay next to me at night, rub my hurting belly and tell me he loves me. For this I know, I was blessed greatly. To me, there is no greater comfort.

The following is something I found comforting and thought I would share. It comes from “Jesus Today” by Sarah Young:

“Trust me here and now. You are in rigorous training-on an adventurous trail designed for you alone. This path is not of your choosing, but it is My way for you. I am doing things you can’t understand. That is why I say “Trust Me!”

The jungle is thick, and you cannot clearly see what is before you, behind you, or beside you. Cling to My hand as you follow this trail in shadowy darkness. Although you cannot see Me, My Presence with you is rock solid reality. Find hope in Me, beloved, for I am taking care of you.

Focus on enjoying Me and all that I am to you-even though your circumstances scream for resolution. Refuse to obsess about your problems and how you are going to fix them. Instead, affirm your trust in Me; wait hopefully in My presence, and watch to see what I will do.”

I am waiting hopefully and faithfully.

With love,

Keena  

The Comparison Pit

Hello friends! Again, it’s been awhile…but I have a valid reason this time! I was busy working on interviewing and accepting a job as a child and adolescent therapist! In fact, my first day is tomorrow and I am so very excited to get started on this next phase of my career. I will start working towards my LCPC (higher clinical credential) and see where this takes me! Getting my LCPC has always been a goal of mine so I’m eager to get started!

So that’s the big announcement and news of the day, however I don’t want to spend time talking about that right now because something else is pressing on my mind. Maybe it’s the finance and other personal development books I’ve been reading that has sparked this, or maybe I’m struggling with it right now. Maybe it’s both. What I’m referring to is the comparison game. You know, the one where you think everyone has it better or easier than you game? You know what I’m talking about? I’m sure you do…it’s something we’ve all played. It’s something that has impacted our joy at some point and perhaps has gone so far as to ruin relationships. Comparing is something we need to get a handle on because it is a destroyer of all that is good. For real, it is!

Maybe it’s money, cars, houses or other material things that gets your comparison game started. Maybe it’s job promotions, new educational degrees, or fitness posts. We see people post all over social media about new stuff every single day. I get it…because I’ve done it. I just posted my new car on Facebook because I’m so proud of it! (FYI-My husband and I worked hard this past year to save up for it and buy it with cash. We have Dave Ramsey to thank for that).  We all post about new things we are excited about, and for the most part I don’t think it’s wrong to do so. I just think that as we are scrolling through our news feed that we must remember to be grateful for what we have and be happy for others when things are going well or they worked hard for something.

To be completely honest, I find myself comparing my life to those who seem to have more family time than I do. I get sad as I scroll through Facebook just thinking about how lucky everyone else is because they get regular family dinners and most weekends off to spend with their family. Right now, in our phase of our careers my husband and I are not getting this. We go several weeks where we only see each other in passing. When he is home, it is almost weird! Don’t get me wrong, I love when he’s home, but I am so used to the quiet in my house. Sometimes I even get irritated because there’s more of a mess than what I’m used to! So, I get jealous, and at times I get angry because it feels unfair. I want to make memories with my little family, and I don’t want to have to wait months to do so! I don’t want to eat most of my dinners alone, but things will not be changing for us any time soon. And because of that, I need to work on my happiness every single day and find joy through friends, family, work and other activities that make me happy.

The point is that I create this idea of what I think other people’s family lives are like based on their social media posts. In reality, I have no idea what other families are really going through. I have no idea how often families do get to sit down for dinners or do fun things. For the most part, the only thing people post about is what is going well and what they are happy about. This is great! But for the person sitting at the end of another phone screen, it seems like the other person has it all and that things are always peachy for them. Let me take a moment to tell you…it’s not the way it seems. We find ourselves glamorizing each other's lives when it’s not even close. As we watch from our own screens, we need to keep that into perspective. And we need to be content enough with our own lives to be happy for others. I’m an avid Facebook user so I have to work really hard to be happy for happy families that I see posting photos, and remember how grateful I am for my family. Then I work on treasuring the time I do get with my husband that much more.

I have a wonderful life, and I am truly grateful! I put that last sentence on repeat every single day. If you really want to get perspective, then go read the news. I cry every time and remember that the things I worry about surmount to nothing others have to worry about. When you start to lose that perspective, and need a good reminder of all that is good, go out and volunteer. Serve food in a soup kitchen, read to the elderly, give your time to those who are in need. I promise that you’ll forget about that shiny new car or that big house your heart has been set on. Again, it’s okay to want those things, but do NOT let the want consume you. A want is not a need. In fact, most of what we have is not needed for survival.

From this moment forward, I promise to work harder to be joyous for others by doing the following:

I’ll smile when I see people post family time photos. I’ll cheer for the person posting their workouts and weight loss journey. I’ll be excited for those who share their home/car buying experience. I’ll feel joyous over new marriages and new babies brought into the world. I’ll do this because being happy for others brings me joy and peace in my life. I'll remind myself that others' joy does not make mine any lesser. Most importantly I’ll always remind myself of how blessed I am.

If you’re struggling with the comparison game, remember this:

“When you get caught up in social media comparisons, you’re comparing yourself to make-believe. And when you compare yourself to make-believe, your real life will never feel good enough.” -Rachel Cruze

Yes. Amen to that. We are all blessed in different ways, and that is something to be grateful for.

With love,

Keena

Blessings come in ways we least expect

I just got back from a week-long Arizona vacation and it was wonderful. I got to stand by my beautiful, loving sister-in-law as she married the love of her life. I witnessed an incredible piece of earthly art as I hiked in the Grand Canyon. I got to make memories with my husband and his family. I let my mind rest and for the most part, I set aside my daily worries and soaked up this adventurous week.

Today was my first day back in the office, and instead of feeling refreshed after returning from a vacation, I felt off…and had no idea as to why. As I sat in my office chair, I felt in my heart that it was time to leave my job. I know that I’ve been talking about finding my next step in terms of my career, but I wasn’t sure when I was going to take that leap. Today was different because my heart was literally speaking to me clear as day. I heard “Keena, it’s time to move on, and everything will be okay”. I kid you not. I sent a text to my life advisor (aka my older sister) and told her what I was feeling and she said “I think that’s something you should pray about today and listen to what you hear”. I then sent a text to my husband and said “I’m ready to make a change now”, and he replied “let’s do this”. I sat on these thoughts all day and then later before I was about to leave, my boss asked me to come to his office. So I did.

I had no idea what we were going to discuss, but when your boss starts off the conversation with “this won’t be a fun conversation we are going to have” pretty much indicates that something less than desirable is about to happen. He explained that my contract was going to be cut as of December 31^st and that he appreciated my work, but the state was moving in a different direction. Ouch…I did not see that one coming…at least not this soon, so I was truly surprised. For the record, I’ve been hearing the response “we are moving in a different direction” a lot lately, and I’m beginning to understand what this means for my life. I think I’m being told that I need to move MY life in a different direction. I’m learning that it’s not about what everyone else is doing…it’s about what I need to do…for me…for my family. I’ve been hearing it for a while, but my path hasn’t been that clear yet…so I waited. I have cried, worried, and prayed so much. I’ve been soul searching for a long time and I have questioned every decision that I have made. But today…I felt I had clarity for the first time in a long time. Most importantly, this clarity washed me in peace.

You might be asking yourself why I’m feeling peace when I’ve just learned that I’m losing my job and am about to lose half of my household income. Okay yes, things will get a bit tighter and I don’t have a plan yet. I don’t have a job lined up and I don’t know exactly what I want to do. But here’s what I do have…I have a supportive and loving husband who will stand by me through this change. Remember he said “let’s do this” not “you can do this”, so I know my partner stands with me. I have a warm bed to sleep in and food to eat. We have the financial reserves to sustain us through this difficult time because we had the sense to save and prepare. My sister loaned me books a while ago to read about the importance of financial peace. While I read, I also consulted with several people on how to handle money. I sought advice and mentorship when things got difficult at work. I worked on my resume and had the opportunity to get more interview experience. I have the support of a loving family who listened to me and encouraged me to hang in there even when I didn’t want to keep going.

During this time, I wanted things…I wanted a new car, but chose to save instead and to hold out because this was a want and not an immediate need. I chose to push through my pain because I had faith that I would get an answer and that things would all work out. And you know what? Things are working out. While losing my job hurts and is painful, I can say with certainty that I am so grateful and truly blessed. The work that I have been doing and the hard moments I’ve endured have prepared me to handle this. And not just handle it, but excel through it.

It’s not a coincidence that all of this happened. This was carefully planned…and not by me. For those of you who know me, I’m not a religious person and I do not subscribe to any single faith. But make no mistake, I do believe that there is something greater than I, and I believe in love and goodness and faith. And today…faith carried me through. Love powered me and held me, and gratitude saved me. I look up and I’m thankful, not just for today, but for every day. I’m thankful that each morning I wake up to a new day to face. I’m grateful for the days I pushed myself through and for the days I was carried when I couldn’t push any more. I’m grateful for the love of friends and family who also held me when I needed it most. I can’t thank everyone enough for their unconditional love.

There is nothing more true when people tell you some of your greatest blessings come in ways you least expect. Not getting exactly what you want when you want, leads to greater things…

But only if you listen. I know I’m listening…with my heart wide open.

With love,

Keena

Succeeding through Empowerment

Good Sunday morning friends! I’ve already been up for several hours and am two cups of coffee deep, so I am ready to rock n’ roll! Some days, I literally have no idea where my energy comes from, but today I am so grateful to wake up feelin’ good and inspired!

This morning I finished the book The Magnolia Story by Chip and Joanna Gaines. For those of you who do not know them, they are the hosts of the Fixer-Upper show on HGTV. I happened to stumble upon Fixer-Upper one day while scrolling through Netflix. I usually don’t watch shows like these, but for some reason I decided to see what it was about. Prior to this show, I had no idea who Chip and Joanna Gaines were, but once I started watching their show, I was hooked. For me, it wasn’t just about the homes they were flipping and decorating with immaculate taste, it was how they opened up their hearts and helped people bring their families together through designing their homes. Since I’ve started watching the show I have purchased their new book and magazine because their work inspires me to create with an open heart.

What really draws me to this family-focused couple, is their commitment to serving others. From their clients to their design team, they are always putting others first. I won’t give away any of the best stories, but one of them stood out to me the most. They described a difficult financial time in their lives where they had no money to pay their work crew who helped them flip homes. One day they were gifted with money that would’ve put them ahead financially, but instead they decided to take care of their people and pay them first. That blew me away…seriously it did. It would’ve been easier to pay themselves first to feel more comfortable, but instead they put the needs of those they cared about before them. How amazing is this?

When I started reflecting on their story, I realized how pertinent giving and empowering those around us really is to our own success. I would argue that empowering others is the single most powerful tool we have available. But so often it goes unused. Why you ask? Because it requires us to stop thinking about ourselves…and this does not come naturally to most people. It’s a practice that has to be worked at and reflected on regularly. Empowering others through giving is not only demonstrated through financial giving, but also in the way we treat those around us. I know that this is something I’ve been thinking about a lot and how I can improve in this area.

I’m sure anyone reading this post has had experiences where others have brought them down either intentionally or un-intentionally. I know I have. I have had the moments of joy that were squashed by someone’s jealousy. I have no doubt that I have in turn squashed someone else’s joy because of my jealousy. I have experienced situations where others make assumptions about me and would rather see me fail. I have felt this through their negative words and actions. I have been laughed at instead of held up in vulnerable moments. I have been scoffed at instead of encouraged. When people are succeeding and achieving great things, many people will balk at that cut them down. The reason we do this is rooted in nothing else but our own insecurities.

When we choose not to empower those around us the result is this: It destroys partnership. It kills relationships. It harbors negativity. It stalls growth and improvement.

 

So what does empowerment look like? And what is the impact of empowering those around you?

I’m so glad you asked friends, because this such an important area to talk about. Empowering people is celebrating their success. It’s standing up for others when they don’t have a voice. Empowerment is giving to others before giving to ourselves. Empowering is building up each other’s confidence through positive feedback and kindness. The way we empower is felt through our actions and the language we choose to use. There are so many positive words to choose from and there is no limit on how much we use them. When my sisters and brothers succeed…I succeed. I hope that others feel the same way when I’m succeeding. Empowering others inspires joy, peace, and love. Not just for ourselves, but for everyone around us. It pushes forward creativity because we help each other work past our fears and insecurities.

I was once told that I have a romantic view of how people work together. I was baffled at this statement. If I’m in an environment where respecting those around me and building up my peers is unrealistic, then the only conclusion I have drawn is this: I am in the wrong place. I’m not doing the wrong thing and I certainly do not have a romantic view of relationships and teams. I just know what works well and empowering those around me does just that. Had Joanna and Chip Gaines put themselves first in that financial crisis, they may not have the team that they do today.

In the moments where I’m not feeling empowered, I think about this quote:

“What comes out of someone else’s mouth is a reflection of their heart, not yours”. -Lysa Terkeurst

Empowerment strengthens the heart and builds the hearts of others. Friends, there is just nothing more fulfilling than that.

With love,

Keena

Living through Disappointment

Hello friends! It’s been quite a while since I’ve last written in my blog! My computer had some issues and underwent computer surgery and then all of my files were wiped out. So I haven’t had my technology available to write, but with some help from Best Buy and a lot of help from my tech savvy brother-in-law, I can now fill you in on my world since my last post…which is fairly light because not much has happened! J

Let’s see…well I’m still searching for a career change (more of a slight shift), and I’ve been focusing a lot of my energy on figuring out my next step. Who knew that this could take months?? I surely did not. The hiring process is complicated and can be really, really long. I wasn’t quite prepared to face the amount of disappointment that I have experienced in my search. I’ve stressed a lot, cried a lot, and worried a lot. I’ve grown tired and a bit weary. And while it’s been a challenge, I’ve been working really hard to remember all of the goodness this disappointment has brought me. Yes my friends, there is goodness in disappointment. But only if you look for it and hold on to it to carry you through.

You might be wondering how you do that-how you find goodness within disappointment. Or maybe you’ve got this down. Maybe you already know how to make the lemonade when life gives you lemons. Either way, I want to share with you how I’ve been doing this, because I thought I had it down, but turns out I had and still have a lot of work to do.

Recently, I went through a 9.5-hour interview for a job I really wanted (and still want). It was the longest interview I’ve ever had and it was completely exhausting. I felt like I could sleep for days because I had my game face on the entire 9.5 hours, and I put my best foot forward. After it was over and I got back to my car, I kicked off those new heels, tossed my new suit coat in the car and I just literally hugged myself for a minute before I started my drive home. I was comforting myself because I was tired and ready to rest, but also I was so proud of myself for having made it through conversations with multiple panels and answering some tough questions. I had prepped and prepared myself for this day. So as you can imagine, it was disappointing when I didn’t hear a thing for 3 weeks. In fact, I’m still waiting and I have no idea when or if I will hear back. Unfortunately, this is how some things go. It’s easy to think “I must not have done well” or “they didn’t like me” or the worst thought, “I just wasn’t good enough”. Trust me, I thought these things; however, these thoughts…did nothing for me.

You know what did help me? What helped me was to recognize what I learned from the experience and others similar to it. What I’m learning about is patience. It’s incredibly hard to be patient when you want something so much. I’m also learning perseverance. Being able to show up day in and day out is really something to be proud of. Don’t think your efforts are for nothing because everything you do is leading you to something greater. I truly believe that with my whole heart. If I had everything I wanted right now, I would not have the appreciation for that life if I didn’t have to work for it. This might sound strange, but every day I picture myself chipping away at a stone with a hammer. I have to mentally imagine this because it helps me understand it better. Each day I get a brand new day to chip away at this stone. Every notch is a new experience, an “aha” moment, new skills, and lessons learned. This is how I’m building my character…by taking every experience and learning from it.

I could look at the 9.5 hour interview as wasted time or I could look at it as a growing experience. If I’m ever faced with this situation again, I will be less afraid. Why? Because I’ve done it before and I did just fine. (Just for the record, interview skills are a must and the only way to learn is to do several of them!) If I don’t get an offer, it’s okay because I will move on to the next opportunity. You have to face some no’s first before you get a yes. And more times than not, it’s for the better. Sometimes we don’t get what we want for a reason. This is so hard for me to accept, but at the end of the day I can’t control whether or not someone wants to hire me, but I can control how I respond to it. And that my friends, is powerful. The ability to control our own thoughts is just not as appreciated as it should be and not practiced nearly enough. If you want to see everything as negative, then everything WILL be negative. If you want to see the positive in challenging situations, you will recover from disappointment more quickly and learn something about yourself. This is a daily a choice…a daily practice that we must learn to cultivate for inner peace.

Strength and confidence grow from disappointment. It’s up to each of us to uncover it. If you are reading this and you are experiencing a major disappointment or set back just know this, you are not alone my friend, and my heart is feeling for you. There IS something out there for you. Keep plugging away, keep your chin up and be proud of how far you’ve come. There is a beautiful purpose for your life, and there’s also one for mine.

With love,
Keena

I have an important self-disclosure to make…I am a BOOK WORM! Yep, I said it. J I love books. My love for books started long ago. The book fairs in elementary school were my absolute favorite. I received several reading awards throughout my primary school years and always exceeded my AR (accelerated reading) goals. I remember when my mom would take me to the local library where I would read books for prizes during a summer reading program; that was the best. I actually read about 98% of assigned reading in undergrad and graduate school. I’ve always liked to read, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found more comfort in the calming silence of reading a good book while drinking my favorite tea and letting my mind bask in imagination. I become bored of T.V. quickly, but I could read forever. With that said, I derive a lot of inspiration from the words of others.

I have many different books on my nightstand at any given time. Recently, I just finished the book Present over Perfect: Leaving behind Frantic for a Simpler, More Soulful Way of Living by Shauna Niequist. This was the kind of book that brought tears, smiles and all around comfort. I felt understood when I read her short essays on her life experience of moving from an on-the-go life to a simpler, grateful way of living. I feel like I needed this particular book now more than ever as I search for peace while making some difficult life decisions. The timeliness of me finding this book is amazing given my feelings lately. It has inspired this post and made me think about the way simplicity and gratitude relate to leadership.

In the past when I would picture what a leader would look like I would see someone in a suit working in an office setting while preparing to lead big meetings and essentially being a boss. I don’t know why or when this image imprinted itself in my brain, but I’ve had a very strict vision of what a leader literally looks like. For the longest time, leadership for me was computed as follows:

Suits + $$$ + meetings + long hours + little rest/sleep + coffee = Leadership.

As I discussed in my last post, these things are often associated with how success is defined by society and clearly how I’ve also defined it. If I’m always producing, making good money, and working more than resting, then I am a leader and an important one at that. Yet, I’m learning that this lifestyle is not for me. It’s not what I want…and it’s not what brings me joy. Joy is so hard to find in everyday life for many people, including myself. But why? Because I think we are completely obsessed…yes obsessed with work and being busy leading to a completely and utterly exhausting way of living. I don’t know about you, but I don’t desire that. I work hard, but I want to play harder. And while some of you might consider that to be low work ethic, I consider it living. Yes, I want to have a career and do something with myself, but I don’t want that to be the only part of my life. I don’t want to go down a path of life where my goal is only to work harder and beat myself down to pure exhaustion and unhappiness. Yet so many people find this completely acceptable. But I do not. And that is okay for me.

When I am setting myself up for my own success I need to make sure it aligns with the vision I have for me and my future family. It could be working part time and running a house hold, staying at home, or working full-time while raising children. I’m not sure what that will look like yet or what my family’s needs will be, but here’s what I do know: I do not want to live such a frantic life that I have no time to live. I want to go places, see things. I want to meet people, spend time with my husband, and my family. I can’t do that if all I do is obsess about work and making money. I just don’t think it’s worth it.

These feelings I have are also shaped by what I’m watching my husband go through. He has dedicated his life to becoming an orthopedic surgeon. Talk about long hours and demanding work…I often ask myself how he does it. I believe he enjoys his work and deeply desires to be a great surgeon, but his lifestyle does not come without struggles. He works like no other but also takes care of himself like no other. I’ve known my husband since early college and I’ve enjoyed growing with him and watching him develop his life over time. At his core, he’s still the same, but at the same time he seems very different now. This man works 80-100 hours each week and still works out, meditates, eats healthy smoothies daily, and has cut out everything that does not help him lead a healthy life. As he would say, he’s “trimming the fat” out of his life, both physically and mentally J. He’s pretty awesome and someone I admire greatly. While he works hard to engage in self-care, he has to make many sacrifices. As I’m typing this, I’m in the car with his family headed for a weekend of family functions without him. My heart is hurting because I miss him and I know his family misses him too. This is not the first nor the last family function he has to miss. Could you imagine what it would be like if I also pursued that lifestyle? For some people, they make it work and they are happy, but it’s not for me.

Recently I was talking about this with my husband and I found comfort in his response to my struggles of thinking that I’m not working hard enough or if I don’t make a certain amount of money that I’m not pulling my weight. He responded so empathically and delicately while hugging me. He said, “babe, you and I are not in competition. It does not matter what you choose to do so long as you’re happy and making a difference. You can do things I cannot do and I can do things you cannot do. When you put us together we make an awesome team.” I needed to hear this from him. I needed the validation that it’s okay to change course and do something different, because my happiness IS important, and no matter what comes our way, we will figure it out as husband and wife, as a team. I knew I married this man for a reason.

 I do not have to live a frantic life if it’s draining me more than filling me up. I do not have to prove anything to anyone and it does not matter what anyone else thinks what I should be doing with my life. Caring what others think does not work for me. Living simply and happily is OK. It’s success, if it’s success for you. Being a leader is knowing what works for you. You can be a leader as a stay-at-home parent because raising little people is important and requires strong leadership. You can be a boss with the big office and large bank account, or work as a barista…you name it. The cool thing is, you can be a leader ANYWHERE and the world needs leaders everywhere.

I’ll leave you with some quotes that I had to write down because of how inspiring and relevant they are to what I’m going through. I found these in a couple of books I’m reading and I hope they speak to your heart too.

“Whatever I build from here on out, whatever I make, whatever I write, whatever I create, I want the fuel that propels it to be love- not competition, not fear, not proving”. –Shauna Neiquist

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” -Douglas Adams

 I will let love fuel me to a more peaceful way of living, because that’s where I need to be.

With love,
Keena