Love Yourself First

Hello friends and happy Thursday!

I’m on a theme here with writing about the littles in my family so I’m stickin’ with that today as well. Last time I wrote about my first-born nephew, Samuel in remembrance of his 5^th birthday. Now I find myself inspired to write about my niece Mira who’s about to turn 4 in two weeks-something that I can’t wrap my mind around. I thought of her because I was in a conversation with my older sister (Mira’s momma) and we were talking about unconditional love and encouragement. Our conversations are known to get deep! I love our sisterly talks so much-what a blessing they are to me!

Today we were talking about how uncommon it is for people to practice unconditional love and encouragement. We are only truly happy with others if they are acting, doing, and speaking how we think they should. These are conditions, or expectations we have of others that get in the way of us extending our love to one another.  It’s hard for us to love people just as they are…unless you’re Mira. Because that girl loves everyone and I want to share (or proudly brag) about her beautiful gifts.

Lots of children are loving, kind, and caring…there’s a pureness to children that we all can admire. As we get older, we realize the brokenness of the world and it becomes a fight to love as deeply as children do. Mira has this gift like most children…but her level of love, encouragement, and gratitude is strikingly abundant when you meet her at just 3 years young. I’ve never been around a child that could lift your heart in the ways she can. As a student of child development, I’ve learned that children her age are very egocentric. In other words, children mostly care about themselves. Perspective-taking is something they have not yet mastered. It’s natural and all children have some level of egocentrism. Mira makes me question if she’s only 3 because her compassion for others is undeniable.

Mira is always asking “you okay?”. She notices when others get hurt and is quick to kiss any owies and then asks “you better?”. She wants to know that you’re okay. If I could bottle up her sweet voice and play it on the hard days, I would. Her attentiveness to those hurting is such a gift. She’s always coming up to me and saying “Aunt Keena, Augie is sad. She’s so sad.” I always tell her that Augie (my beagle pup) is happy and then Mira will perk up. I’m not sure why she’s always telling me that my dog is sad, but maybe she senses something that I don’t. Maybe she wants Augie to feel included too. Either way, her focus on feelings points to her caring soul-one that isn’t self-focused. She’s watching and she wants others around her to feel good. As adults, how often are we taking the time to acknowledge each other’s pain? Are we seeing the hurt around us? Are we offering words of encouragement? Are we celebrating the good times with one another?

That’s the other thing she’s so good at. She has the beautiful gift of encouragement. Gosh she’s so good! If you want to feel good about yourself, you need a hang-out date with this little girl. Last weekend she came up to me and said, “Aunt Keena, you’re so pretty” and then she hugged me. She’s always giving the biggest compliments. One time when I had her at my house she said, “you’re the best ever Aunt Keena”.

*Cue the tears and the BIG heart melt.*

Seriously, she knows how to make me feel so good about myself. And the reason she can do this is because she loves herself. Mira practices what we therapists call positive self-talk. In other words, she’s so nice to herself! The things you will hear Mira say includes:

“I so gorgeous!”, “I so smart”, and “wook at me, I so strong!”.

She believes all these good things about herself. She doesn’t ask “am I prettier than her?” or say “I’m not smart enough”. How often do we compare ourselves to others? How often do we put ourselves down? I’m guessing we do this a lot. And when we do this self-shaming, we can’t begin to love others unconditionally because we have conditions for ourselves. Self-love has to come first. It is the key that lets us love others. It is the main ingredient of kindness. It allows us to celebrate ourselves and others knowing that there’s enough appreciation and love to go around for all of us. We forget that as adults. The lack of self-love leads us to compare beauty and success. But when you can celebrate your own gifts, you gain the freedom to celebrate others’. She thinks she’s gorgeous and that you’re gorgeous too and that both are to be celebrated. She can see the pure beauty in everything and everyone.

My prayer is that she always loves herself in this way. Because her self-love is a mirror to how she feels about those around her. As her Aunt I promise to help protect and nurture her level of self-love as the brokenness of the world will test and threaten her self-worth. Another girl will be mean to her and call her names and it will shake her. My hope is that her self-love will persevere in those moments and that she will be able to extend love to others who are less secure with themselves. (And then she will tell Aunt Keena who will then hunt this person down!) Just kidding…but for real.

As a therapist, I help people piece back together their self-worth every day. There is such a lack of self-love and let me tell ya-it’s destructive. What sweet little Mira has taught me is this: unconditional love starts with yourself.  When you encourage yourself, you can start to encourage those around you. You start to forget about comparisons and expectations which allows you to simply love.

Mira blesses me all the time with her overflowing love. I strive to be like her every day. Yep, I want to be more like the little girl who’s been on this earth 23 years less than I have. She’s amazing. If you’ve never met her, here’s the sweet little face I’ve been talking about.

(Photo Credit: Rachel Lynda Photography)

 

Her love is radiant and contagious. May we all love ourselves and others like she does!

In light of her upcoming 4th birthday I'm sharing our first picture together. I love you sweet baby girl!

With love,
Aunt Keena

An Aunt’s Perspective: Remembering Samuel David Mugford

Today would’ve been my sweet nephew’s 5^th birthday. Samuel David Mugford entered and left this world within one short hour after birth. I remember this day five years ago like it was yesterday. Time has healed hearts, but his memory never leaves. I witnessed every part of his life, and my heart is grateful for my time spent with him. I want to share his life with you from my eyes as his Aunt. This is my account of this day five short years ago…

Five years ago, I was a senior in college and was busy preparing for my next step in life. I was figuring out graduate school and moving three hours away from home. One day during that time, I remember my mom called me right before class and gave me the news that my sister and brother-in-law had received at their five month doctor’s appointment. She told me that the baby boy my sister was carrying was sick, and it didn’t look promising. I had no idea how to process that. I had no words…only tears. I debated on going to class and ultimately decided to go. I felt numb and could not get myself to participate in that class. I know that may seem strange that I went to class, but when bad news comes, it’s common that grief hits later. Plus, my sister and brother-in-law lived close to eight hours away from me at the time so I could not jump in my car and rush to them like I wanted to.

I called my sister after that class and when I dialed I had no idea what I was going to say. So, all I said was “I’m so sorry” and we cried. That’s all that needed to be said. What do you say to someone who has just found out her baby is sick with low chances of survival? What I know now is that there are no perfect words, but saying nothing would be a lot worse. I get this more now than ever after having gone through two miscarriages and having family or close friends go on without saying a word. Yes people, it hurts more than you know. Because when you go through pain, your world starts to feel pretty small. I imagine that’s how Sam’s parents felt.

I continued to move through the last few hoops of college as I nervously awaited Sam’s arrival. I was told that he could be born at any time given that he was sick so I always had my phone right next to me. Selfishly, I had hoped he would come at a convenient time for me because I also did not want to miss out on any last college memories. I’m being completely honest and it sounds selfish, I know…so I ask for grace as I continue. I remember talking over travel details and how I’d make up classes, finals, and last minute college grad to-dos with my mom. She was working hard to arrange for us all to be there for Sam’s birth. I’ll never forget what I’m about to tell you next and trust me, I have shame for it. I remember calling my sister at this point and asking her how she felt if I didn’t come. I know…how terrible of me. I was so caught up in my own world that I thought I could skip out and just get the pictures. All she said to me was this, “if you can live with knowing you missed this, then okay”. She didn’t shame me. She was being real with me. I thought it over, but didn’t quite yet know what I was going to do.

I think back now and wonder if I was trying to protect myself as well because of the deep sadness that I knew would come. Had I gone or stayed, deep sadness would’ve been the outcome regardless. As it turned out, Samuel showed signs of arrival as my parents and I were at my senior sorority parent’s brunch. I was so excited for this brunch because it marked the finale of my college years. Right as we sat down to eat, my mom got the call from my sister. It was time. I don’t think we’ve ever moved that fast. We walked quickly (almost running) to the car and drove home and packed bags within minutes and hit the road for the eight hour drive it took to get to Ann Arbor, Michigan. I’ve NEVER seen my mom drive that fast. We literally flew there with little stops and made it in time to watch what was one of the most impactful moments of my life.

We got to the hospital in the afternoon with plenty of time because Sam was not born until 3:20 am the next morning. The rush was worth it though! Turns out, babies come on their own time! My sister and brother-in-law decided to let everyone into the birthing room because they didn’t know how long they would have with baby Sam. After several hours of waiting, praying, and talking…Sam decided it was time. I was standing behind the doctors so that I could watch everything. There is nothing more miraculous than watching a baby be birthed. Hands down coolest thing ever and it gave me an appreciation for the woman’s body. How awesome is all I can say! My sister was a champ and even joked and laughed during birth…how amazing even when she knew her sweet baby wouldn’t stay for long. She rocks, that’s all I can say.

Sam came out and was immediately taken to a table by a team of doctors to be examined. I’ll never forget what I heard next…his sweet sweet baby cries. He cried and my heart leapt because I had hope that he might make it. After examining him, the doctors then swaddled him and gave him to my sister. There was nothing they could do…expect for his family to pour love over him. I stopped and looked around…it was a busy rush but I noticed the tears on those nurse’s faces as they continued to busily work. Bless their hearts…that is a job I do not envy. The doctor also waited in the room and gave time before he officially announced Sam’s time of death. All hearts broke into a million pieces in that moment. He lived for an hour, but he gave me a lifetime of gratitude and appreciation for life. I know he did the same for others as well. His testimony still lives.

I learned that hospitals give grieving parents as much time as they need with their baby before they take them away. I’m grateful for this. I watched him get bathed and dressed like any other baby would. I laid in the hospital bed with my sister and my sweet nephew between us. I kissed, loved, and cuddled a dead baby. I’m not trying to be crude when I use the word “dead”, but he was and it shows the depth of my experience. I never even stopped to think that I was kissing a dead baby. It was not weird at all because that’s what deep love does. After several hours, it was time to go…my sister was being released from the hospital. Sam was carried away in a white, satin lined basket. Watching her put him in there to have strangers take him away broke my heart even more. My heart broke more when I watched her get into the car without a baby carrier in tow. I was breaking inside for her and my brother-in-law.

I am so happy that I decided to show up that day. I’m grateful that my selfish wants were softened so that I could be there fully for this very important day. Sam lives on in my heart and the hearts of everyone who knows my wonderful sister and brother-in-law. Their story helps others experiencing similar grief today. Their experience gave me hope for my own grief in having lost two pregnancies through miscarriage. Their strength gives me strength.

In closing, I want to share with you my most favorite picture of me and my sweet nephew Samuel David Mugford. You are in my heart always. Happy 5^th Heavenly birthday sweet angel.

 





If you want to watch their beautiful story, click the link below. It's worth watching!

https://vimeo.com/cedarcreek/review/49570112/9241561506

With love,

Aunt Keena

Finding Joy on the Hard Days

Today is a hard day. It’s the kind of day that makes me want to curl up in my bed, sleep and forget all of my troubles. Ya know what I’m talking about? I’m sure most of you can think back to a day where this has happened and you struggled to see anything good about the day that lay ahead. The good news is that you and I are not alone! I’m learning to cope with these days, and I want to share with you how I’ve been handling this not so favorite day of mine.

A couple of weeks ago I shared that I was going through a miscarriage at 6 weeks pregnant. It’s still pretty raw for me with the little time that has passed, but I can feel my heart being healed. Since then, I’ve started a new job which has helped keep me busy and less focused on my broken heart. But make no mistake, the hurt is not gone. I feel it at night when I’m laying my head down on my pillow and saying my prayers. I feel it in the quiet or when a heartfelt song plays on the radio. I feel it when I see all the pregnant mamas out and about. I felt it when a woman who knew nothing about what I was going through stated out of frustration “you should never have kids”. She was dealing with a difficult situation with her own child, but it hurt to hear that. I really felt the sadness when I went to my OB appointment today to discuss everything with my doctor. When I checked in the receptionist asked “are you doing your sonogram first today?”. An innocent mistake made…but it stabbed my heart. The tears just started right then and there. I’m so grateful my sweet husband was standing by my side and just took me into his arms.

We had a helpful appointment with the doctor. She answered many of our questions and was able to put our minds at ease. She said things that I really needed to hear. When we left, I was still crying because I so badly wanted to be walking out with a picture of our baby. Instead, I was leaving with a handful of Kleenex.  I feel like my doctor is a great cheerleader for us and her confidence and tenderness only helped us in this difficult time. I love it when you come across a healthcare provider like this…I know I strive to be that way with the people I serve.

Although today has been hard on my heart, I know that there is still goodness and joy in today. While my joy did not come in the form that I had hoped, it came in other forms. Today is not even over, but I already have a lot of goodness that I want to share with you! I’m surrounded by joy and love and I want to take time to appreciate all that I’ve been blessed with. I hope you enjoy the pictures of what I'm grateful for today!

I told Augie to sniff on our lovely morning walk...

She decided to eat it instead lol

Her silliness brings me joy!

Out to lunch with my hubby after the doctor appointment.

Puffy eyes for me but such joy to share a meal with him!

I love spending time on the patio in

beautiful weather! I feel joy and complete comfort

when I'm in sunshine!

I get so much joy out of spending time in my garden

learning how to make things grow!

Fresh cut flowers for my new grace and

gratitude vase!

Flowers bring me so much joy!

 Yes today is hard. My heart is hurting and there have been tears, but I have been comforted by the goodness because I opened my eyes and looked around. There's always joy in the hard days, you just have to open your heart.

With love,
Keena

Hello my sweet friends. I’ve been absent from writing and posting for over a month now. A lot has been happening in my life this past month or so. My focus shifted so I could attend to my life matters and now I’m ready to sit down again and dig in to share my heart with you all.

In my last blog I shared that I had resigned from my position and had accepted a new job. Remember that? Okay, well long story short, there was a paperwork snafu that delayed my start date, which put me out of work for a month. Yep, I’ve had a whole month off. Parts of it have been great, but other parts not so much. I’m a busy body. I need things to do. I like going to work and being productive, so this has been hard for me. What I didn’t know was that this time off was a blessing in disguise…I had no idea what was awaiting me and why the time off would be so very important. Now let me share with you why…

I miscarried my baby at 6 weeks pregnant. This was my husband and I’s second loss in the past few months. This one was even harder. We were so excited and overjoyed when we found out I was pregnant again. We decided together that we would share the news with our families and close friends because we were so excited, but if something were to happen then we would have the support of our loved ones. I prepared little gifts to announce to our families. We had so much joy in telling them. Little did we know, one week later my body would decide that this wasn’t the one. I won’t get into all of the details, but let me say this, a miscarriage is very physically painful. I was curled up in pain all Friday night praying that it would stop. The pain came in constant waves and I squeezed my pillows until each wave passed. I woke my husband several times just so he would hold me and rub my belly. The pain didn’t stop until the following afternoon…that’s when I knew the baby had passed.

My miscarriage was confirmed through a blood test earlier today. I counted the minutes as I sat in the waiting room because I just wanted to get out of there. In my heart, I already knew what the blood results would reveal. I have cried so much these past few days that I am shocked I have any tears left. I feel foggy, slow, and drained. My heart hurts so very much. It’s amazing how big your dreams become for the little person growing inside you even when they are so very small. I was afraid to be excited in the beginning because we had already been through one loss, but my sister told me that there was no way that I could protect my heart even if something bad did happen. She was so right. At that point, I let it go and allowed myself to feel the joy of knowing we had made a baby. My husband and I talked every day about all the things we wanted for our child. Our hearts were so overjoyed.

I feel like there’s so much in my heart that I want to share. Not everything is making sense in my head right now. As I heal physically and emotionally, I’m sure I’ll be able to put my thoughts together for myself.

I want to share my gratitude to those who have poured love over me. I want to list these out because they are all so important to me and I am very thankful for everyone who’s supported us.

To my mom- Thank you for crying on the phone with me. I could feel your love through your tears. I literally couldn’t do life without you.

To my dad- Thank you for praying and for letting me know that you’d drop everything to be here with me. You’ll always be my #1 hero.

To my sisters-Thank you for the daily check-ins, your prayers and your love. I’m so grateful to share the ups and downs with you.

To my husband-oh my sweet husband…thank you for sharing life with me. Thank you for your constant love, hugs, and belly rubs at night. Thank you for not being afraid to buy pads at the store for me…that’s a manly thing to do for your wife.

To a good friend-thank you for doing my gift shopping for a baby shower I’m invited to. Thank you for stepping up and knowing exactly what my heart needed because you knew my heart couldn’t bear to stand in a baby aisle.

To my in-laws-thank you for your prayers, support and love. You help keep us going.

To our friends-thank you for loving both of us. We need you always.

To my sweet friends who have struggled with miscarriage, infertility, or any pregnancy loss- I want you to know that my heart is with you sweet sister. The pain is overwhelming. I’m not sure what motherhood looks like for me or you, but in whatever form it happens, it will be joyous. My heart is with you. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. I want to share part of a blog I read. I couldn’t find it again to give due credit, but it’s too good not to share anyway:

“I also felt something I did not expect: foolish. I felt foolish for being sad. I felt I did not have the right to grieve, because, as people would point out to me, “It was really early.”

And again, there is the problem with the 12-week rule. Because we are encouraged not to disclose our pregnancy until the twelfth week, there is an unfair assumption that we can’t really be excited about our pregnancy until then.

Let me make one thing very clear: You are allowed to feel however you want or need to feel when you find out you have a human life growing inside of you, no matter when you find out.

And while words like “viable” and “sustainable” are thrown at you in regards to the progression of your pregnancy, there is no line graph where the love you feel for life inside you increases with the number of weeks it gestates. Pregnant is pregnant. Loss is Loss.”

Our hearts will heal with time. I’m still grateful for the short time we were gifted with joy of our little one. I wanted to share the picture below because I never had the chance to. I put this together when I found out I was pregnant. I still treasure it greatly. We will always love our babies even though their journeys had barely begun.

With love,

Keena

Living in Grace

Hello dear friends! Hope you’ve all been enjoying the beautiful weather these past few days as much as I have been! What a sweet break of respite as we wait patiently for sunshine and blooming flowers. I took advantage and spent time in the sunshine and reflected on how life has been going and what I could do to keep it simple, peaceful, and beautiful.  

As I mentioned in a recent Facebook post, I again made another important decision. I decided to resign from my position as a pediatric therapist. I know, I know…I gave it three months and then made the decision. Seems so soon, right? Yeah…well sometimes when you know…you know. There are several reasons why I’m making a switch to a different job. My decision was based on my physical, emotional, and mental status. I was not feeling fulfilled in the ways that I hoped, leading me to grow weary pretty fast.  This is not to speak negatively of my place of employment; it’s simply a personal thing that led me to question what it is I’m really looking for in my career. Sometimes you just have to give something a shot to see if it works. And it’s completely okay if it doesn’t. But did I tell myself this in the beginning when I began to question? No…I just questioned my ability.

Ability isn’t always the reason for leaving a job or choosing a different career path. It’s about asking yourself “what is my best yes?” and “where am I going to grow and flourish?”. If you are not listening to the whispers of anguish and unrest, then you will run yourself down quickly and lose sight of what is most important in your life. One of my favorite sayings from the philosopher, Socrates, is “know thyself”.  Knowing myself and my needs is an on-going journey. The hardest lesson is understanding that there’s not exactly a point of arrival. In other words, I’m not going to wake up one day and see my path crystal clear. No, this is not what will happen for anyone. Self-discovery is an on-going, life-long journey with “aha” moments, mistakes, and wrong turns. It will never make perfect sense. After all, it’s not exactly my plan to mess with. It was already designed for me with love, beauty, and grace.

But sometimes, I find myself fighting the plan set for me. I have moments when I ignore all the messages being whispered to my heart, which leaves me in a state of distress. Some are gentle whispers…others not so much. I can try to make my way work and avoid my feelings that tell me to move on, or I can listen to my heart and make decisions that will fill me up and help me be the best that I can be. The only thing I know for certain without any doubt is that I am called to serve others. I’ve known this for a very long time. I believe that we are all called to serve each other, but the ways in which we do is different for everyone. Why? Because we are all uniquely talented.

For example, I was not called to be a surgeon like my husband. Nope, not for me! But he is so good at what he does, and for that I am thankful we have people like him. I’m called to walk with people through emotional pain and help them figure out how to move forward. I’m called to listen, love, and give emotionally. I love that about myself, and I’m grateful for my gifts. The challenge before me is figuring out the right environment and pace at which I can share those gifts that leave me filling well and fulfilled and not empty.

If I’m going to thrive on this journey and share my gifts, then I really need to make a focused effort on the negative thoughts I have. I’m going to challenge myself to replace my unproductive thoughts with productive ones. Here’s some examples of the thoughts I’ve recently dealt with: “I gave up”, “I didn’t try hard enough”, “I picked the wrong field”. I’m working on replacing those with these: “I did my best”, “this was not my best yes”, “it’s okay to move around to find the right fit.” I’m working on giving myself grace. For most of us, this does not come naturally and it is a daily practice.

For some more inspiration on how to give myself grace, I picked up a book by Emily Ley titled “Grace Not Perfection”. I encourage you to pick it up if you want to learn more ways to extend yourself grace. I know I need the work! Here are some favorites already:

“What good are we when we’re overwhelmed, overbooked, and overcommitted?”

“We need care, rest, nutrients, and full hearts to be able to speak life into the people we love.”

“If you run yourself ragged caring for everyone but yourself while expecting perfection from your hands, body, and mind, you’re in for a rough collision with reality.”

 I hope you’re showing yourself grace today and always.  

With love,

Keena

Leadership in Marriage & Grief

As I’ve said before in some of my previous blogs, I do not consider myself to be a religious person. I do however, consider myself to be a very spiritual person. I have moments that bring me to my knees in prayer because I just don’t know what else to do, and I need to rely on something much greater than myself. Recently, I had one of those moments. This time, it had nothing to do with my job or work, which is usually what I spend my time writing about. This time, it was very personal, and the situation forced me to examine what leadership looks like in my home.

A week ago, my husband and I found out we were pregnant. This is the year we decided to start trying to expand our family, and we’ve been excited to become parents together. In the same week, I found out that I was likely having a miscarriage. What we’ve learned is that there is so much uncertainty and grey areas when it comes to pregnancy. I researched and read way too much on the internet, which left me feeling exhausted and with little comfort about what was happening to my body. There’s a reason why medical professionals tell you to stay off the internet. It truly does not bring any comfort…just more fears if anything. I can vouch for that. I wanted to hold on to the hope that maybe our situation would be different. I kept thinking that maybe this could still be a viable pregnancy. Waiting was the hardest part of the whole situation.

You don’t know how you’re going to respond to a pregnancy loss until it’s happening to you. I surly didn’t know how I would feel. The day after I found out I was miscarrying, I went to get my haircut because that’s always a relaxing thing for me to do. I was sitting there and I noticed that the woman next to me was showing off her sonogram pictures to her hairdresser. Oh.the.pain. I wanted to be showing off mine. But instead, I sat silently in my own pain, wishing I was carrying a baby. I have hope that one day I will, but today is not the day.

So how does this relate to leadership in the home you might ask? Well, marriage requires leadership…from both spouses. And let me tell you…it is not easy. I know my husband, and I know him well, but we have never been through something like this before and neither of us have experienced disappointment or pain in this way. I think we are learning each other’s stress responses and how we each deal with sadness. We experience sadness in completely different ways.

Even though I’m a therapist and I know people experience emotions in different ways, it doesn’t make it easy when it’s in my own home. If you know anything about love languages, then you know that everyone experiences feeling cared and loved for in different ways. We also experience grief in different ways. This is something I know. But it is something that is much harder to deal with at home. My husband is not as open with his feelings as I am. Sometimes I have to dig and pull out his emotions to see where he’s at. My emotional gauge is out in the open for all to see. I wear my heart on my sleeve so to speak. I want to talk when I’m hurting, and my husband wants space. What ends up happening is that I feel lonely and he probably feels smothered as we do this dance between our different needs. And this is where leadership comes in.

Leadership in the home is knowing when to put aside your needs and attend to your spouse’s needs. It’s knowing when to speak the truth about how you feel and calmly listen even when it hurts. It is continuing to love even though it hurts. This is something we are learning together in our young marriage. Even though it’s hard and painful, here’s what I do know:

We could not do this without the promise of our marriage.

Our marriage is not perfect. We do not do everything the right way, but our marriage means that no matter what, we are bonded in love and that is how I know we will be okay. While we are hurting right now and still working through the pain, I know that our promise to one another will carry us through. The only thing I am certain of is that we love each other deeply.

These days, marriage is no longer considered important and often viewed as “unnecessary”. No, it is not required for people to get married, and yes, I believe that unmarried couples can be happy together. But what if there’s more at stake in not being married? What if it was designed to guide us in ways that can only be understood when you commit in this way? All I can say is, my heart is protected by the faithful love I share with my husband. He is the only one who can lay next to me at night, rub my hurting belly and tell me he loves me. For this I know, I was blessed greatly. To me, there is no greater comfort.

The following is something I found comforting and thought I would share. It comes from “Jesus Today” by Sarah Young:

“Trust me here and now. You are in rigorous training-on an adventurous trail designed for you alone. This path is not of your choosing, but it is My way for you. I am doing things you can’t understand. That is why I say “Trust Me!”

The jungle is thick, and you cannot clearly see what is before you, behind you, or beside you. Cling to My hand as you follow this trail in shadowy darkness. Although you cannot see Me, My Presence with you is rock solid reality. Find hope in Me, beloved, for I am taking care of you.

Focus on enjoying Me and all that I am to you-even though your circumstances scream for resolution. Refuse to obsess about your problems and how you are going to fix them. Instead, affirm your trust in Me; wait hopefully in My presence, and watch to see what I will do.”

I am waiting hopefully and faithfully.

With love,

Keena  

The Comparison Pit

Hello friends! Again, it’s been awhile…but I have a valid reason this time! I was busy working on interviewing and accepting a job as a child and adolescent therapist! In fact, my first day is tomorrow and I am so very excited to get started on this next phase of my career. I will start working towards my LCPC (higher clinical credential) and see where this takes me! Getting my LCPC has always been a goal of mine so I’m eager to get started!

So that’s the big announcement and news of the day, however I don’t want to spend time talking about that right now because something else is pressing on my mind. Maybe it’s the finance and other personal development books I’ve been reading that has sparked this, or maybe I’m struggling with it right now. Maybe it’s both. What I’m referring to is the comparison game. You know, the one where you think everyone has it better or easier than you game? You know what I’m talking about? I’m sure you do…it’s something we’ve all played. It’s something that has impacted our joy at some point and perhaps has gone so far as to ruin relationships. Comparing is something we need to get a handle on because it is a destroyer of all that is good. For real, it is!

Maybe it’s money, cars, houses or other material things that gets your comparison game started. Maybe it’s job promotions, new educational degrees, or fitness posts. We see people post all over social media about new stuff every single day. I get it…because I’ve done it. I just posted my new car on Facebook because I’m so proud of it! (FYI-My husband and I worked hard this past year to save up for it and buy it with cash. We have Dave Ramsey to thank for that).  We all post about new things we are excited about, and for the most part I don’t think it’s wrong to do so. I just think that as we are scrolling through our news feed that we must remember to be grateful for what we have and be happy for others when things are going well or they worked hard for something.

To be completely honest, I find myself comparing my life to those who seem to have more family time than I do. I get sad as I scroll through Facebook just thinking about how lucky everyone else is because they get regular family dinners and most weekends off to spend with their family. Right now, in our phase of our careers my husband and I are not getting this. We go several weeks where we only see each other in passing. When he is home, it is almost weird! Don’t get me wrong, I love when he’s home, but I am so used to the quiet in my house. Sometimes I even get irritated because there’s more of a mess than what I’m used to! So, I get jealous, and at times I get angry because it feels unfair. I want to make memories with my little family, and I don’t want to have to wait months to do so! I don’t want to eat most of my dinners alone, but things will not be changing for us any time soon. And because of that, I need to work on my happiness every single day and find joy through friends, family, work and other activities that make me happy.

The point is that I create this idea of what I think other people’s family lives are like based on their social media posts. In reality, I have no idea what other families are really going through. I have no idea how often families do get to sit down for dinners or do fun things. For the most part, the only thing people post about is what is going well and what they are happy about. This is great! But for the person sitting at the end of another phone screen, it seems like the other person has it all and that things are always peachy for them. Let me take a moment to tell you…it’s not the way it seems. We find ourselves glamorizing each other's lives when it’s not even close. As we watch from our own screens, we need to keep that into perspective. And we need to be content enough with our own lives to be happy for others. I’m an avid Facebook user so I have to work really hard to be happy for happy families that I see posting photos, and remember how grateful I am for my family. Then I work on treasuring the time I do get with my husband that much more.

I have a wonderful life, and I am truly grateful! I put that last sentence on repeat every single day. If you really want to get perspective, then go read the news. I cry every time and remember that the things I worry about surmount to nothing others have to worry about. When you start to lose that perspective, and need a good reminder of all that is good, go out and volunteer. Serve food in a soup kitchen, read to the elderly, give your time to those who are in need. I promise that you’ll forget about that shiny new car or that big house your heart has been set on. Again, it’s okay to want those things, but do NOT let the want consume you. A want is not a need. In fact, most of what we have is not needed for survival.

From this moment forward, I promise to work harder to be joyous for others by doing the following:

I’ll smile when I see people post family time photos. I’ll cheer for the person posting their workouts and weight loss journey. I’ll be excited for those who share their home/car buying experience. I’ll feel joyous over new marriages and new babies brought into the world. I’ll do this because being happy for others brings me joy and peace in my life. I'll remind myself that others' joy does not make mine any lesser. Most importantly I’ll always remind myself of how blessed I am.

If you’re struggling with the comparison game, remember this:

“When you get caught up in social media comparisons, you’re comparing yourself to make-believe. And when you compare yourself to make-believe, your real life will never feel good enough.” -Rachel Cruze

Yes. Amen to that. We are all blessed in different ways, and that is something to be grateful for.

With love,

Keena